Friday, Aug. 01, 2003
life liberty and hapiness vs. life liberty and hapiness... or drifting versus being dragged,

I've been in a state of silet irate, lungs falling like lead to the floor sort of days, it seems that because a roommate took a gamble, and decided to leave the apartment early, and sign another lease before she found a replacement... that I have to meet all the people she's brought over, few of whom are interested, or interesting, (and having done this for upwards of 8 years, I KNOW who are good people to live with and who are not) and because she's made my life a personal emergency, her panic attack, is possibly going to make my life, uncomfortable, and not something that I want. I am voicing my doubts and my disinterest here, because I feel I am being forced (with the only option of paying for her rent) quite possibly to live with someone whom I have expressed gut level misgivings about that are NOT being taken seriously.... because it's her life happiness versus mine. and my reasons seem so frivolous becasue they are on a gut level... and I trust my instincts, but me trusting my instincts does not make her gambling ends meet.

yes she has worked for it, she has brough alot of folks SHE would like over... she accidentally found us a roommate for Sept....all well and good.

But I take issue with her lack of faith in my gut instincts, and her inability to accept that she made this gratuitious life change at an inopportune time. (does one really ,upgrade to an apt that is 150 more per month when you have been largely unemployed for the last year? really? Does one gamble on such a move? when you had been asked at the beginning if you would stick it out, for the whole year- and you agreed?)

Fer the love of christ I interviewed rooomates on my frigging birthday... TWO months of my "Amazing Summer" quite possibly the LAST Summer where I could have this level of freedom in my fucking life... has been spent interviewing miscreants and fratboys. (with the occasional glimmer of hope) to make her personal emergency because of a lameoid life choice she made... co-exist with my persuit of life liberty and my right not to live with lame people, who could cause great issue in my life.

I feel so out of control of parts of my life where there is little room for compromise... I am not keen on the being out of control... unless its the difference between drifting and being dragged.

By the by, what the frig is up with the street washers. they have washed my block every frigging nght this week.

P r e v i o u s
N e x t

what's the bat channel? - 12:57 p.m. , Monday, Mar. 29, 2004

Gun Candy. (Valentines Day 2004) - 6:13 p.m. , Sunday, Feb. 15, 2004

A Chicken Little Day. - 1:36 a.m. , Friday, Jan. 23, 2004

An alliance against the Evil Aunt. - 1:26 a.m. , Wednesday, Dec. 24, 2003

hell. frozen over. - 8:14 a.m. , Sunday, Dec. 07, 2003

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